Being a pastor’s family is both rewarding and hard.
Your kids are immersed in church. They witness first hand how important God is to you and others. Your spouse often works selflessly alongside you and sees how you continuously support your flock.
Your family gets to be overly generous, which is a virtue …
But on the flip side you are constantly busy.
They try to understand but they long for your undivided attention.
A quick trip to the store turns into an hour-long wait as you finish just one more conversation. You are always on call, missing out on important events. Emails pour in, your phone keeps buzzing with texts, and your mind just won’t shut off.
What is it doing to your family to always make them the last priority in your life?
Let’s talk about simple but specific ways you can begin to shift this around.
2 Ways Pastors Give Their Families Undivided Attention
One of the best gifts you can give your family is your undivided attention.
#1 Stop checking email in their presence.
Checking your email regularly will constantly keep you distracted.
Remember when you had a few really important things on your to do list but they didn’t get finished because your email kept presenting more pressing issues?
It was frustrating to you. And it is super annoying to your family too. Also, that habit doesn’t set a good example for your kids.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advising to ignore your email always. Rather, set 3-5 specific times each day that you will check your email.
- In the morning
- After lunch
- End of your work day
Notice that I don’t suggest night times.
You’ll be amazed how those things can wait if you put them in their proper place.
Pastors Can Turn Off Their Phones
I know this sounds crazy, right? In our time and culture can professional people really turn off their phones?
Yes, to preserve sanity, absolutely!
Turning off your phone during certain times with your family sends a clear message that they are the most important thing right now and nothing is going to take you away for this period of time.
Let them see you turn your phone OFF!
It doesn’t have to be all evening. Just for a few key moments that will have the most impact.
If you don’t want to turn off your phone, leave it in a room away from family time with the ringer off or put on the Do Not Disturb function. Be sure to do the same with your smart watch too, if you have one.
Do you realize how distracted you are by your smart phone?
I’ll admit there are time when I’m talking to one of my children and a text comes in. While they are in mid-sentence, I look down at my phone and then my mind has left the conversation.
I might be able to repeat what they just said but my emotions and thoughts are no longer with them. And they feel that!
On the other hand, I always realize it when my husband looks at his phone while we are having coffee on the porch.
When you do this with your family, you unknowingly tell them that they are not as important as the message that just came in.
I know that’s not how you feel. But you have to own up to the fact that actions speak loudly.
Now and every day from now on you have the opportunity to show them:
I do have important work, but you are more important right now.
Consider turning off your phone:
At meal times.
It’s hard enough to have conversations with kids, right? If your teenager is finally talking to you and you look down at your phone, they will shut down and start giving those one-word answers:
“How was school?” “Good.”
“What did you do today?” “Nothing.”
“Anything unusual happen today?” “Nope.”
When you are fully present with your kids, you’ll have better conversations.
Sharing meals can create more intimate connection. It’s a ritual not just at home but also at restaurants.
Anytime you are eating you can all turn off your phones.
When you arrive home from work.
Your first 15-30 minutes home after being away all day is critical time to make a connection.
When I get home after my kids have been home for hours or most of the day, they want to see me and talk to me. If I walk in on the phone or start responding to messages, they quickly go back to what they were previously doing, and I’ve missed an opportunity.
When I am intentional about being with them when I walk in the door, they really enjoy it and are more talkative.
My kids have even started meeting me in the garage, shout “welcome home” and give me a huge hug. It feels so good after being at work all day.
Sometimes I will quickly finish my phone conversation in the driveway before opening the garage so I’m not on the phone when they run to greet me. I don’t want to lose the moment.
It took several months of me giving them my full attention when I got home for them to start the tradition. So remember, changed habits won’t get immediate results. Give it some time.
May you pastor from wholeness!